How to stop arguing over the little things.


Most of the biggest, volcanic eruptions in argument history occur over some of the smallest, minuet reasons. In fact, many of us are often ashamed to admit that we can’t even remember how they started. So why, then, does this happen?

Dr. David Schnarch, a renowned therapist gives a pretty convincing reason. He says, “Behavior has to follow emotional connection, not the other way around.” This is possibly the best relationship principle ever! Many times, we have it all backwards. We come in hot with something like, “Why do you always leave your clothes on the floor” (behavior – accusatory; emotional connection – none). Any relationship on the rocks has probably been stuck in a pattern like this for a while. But we really can turn things around pretty quickly. For example you could try, “I’d really like to catch you sometime to talk about something important to me. You free later today?” Behavior follows the emotional connection. This is why research says that how long a relationship has been going badly is no prediction for how quickly it can improve. It is just a matter of how quickly this principle can be implemented. Get things right side-up today, drop out the insignificant arguing, and enjoy your relationship for a lifetime the way it was meant to be!