How to stop blaming others on the spot!


I was raised in a family where a decent amount of blame was passed down through the generations fairly generously. I ended up falling into the same trap more than I like to admit. While I didn’t like that I was doing it, I tried to stop but often couldn’t.

I searched for ways to think about it other than the “stop it method.” The cold turkey “you should stop” approach doesn’t seem to work very well for me. I tried doing more of the disciplines I was raised to do, but that didn’t seem to work either.

Then one day, I was stopped dead in my tracks. I saw an alternative way to think about blame that made so much sense to me. It was as clear as day on the paper right before me with one simple sentence, “A blaming position is a helpless position.” Wow! So simple, yet so profound. For all the blaming I’d done, it never dawned on me what my blaming revealed about me while I was in the midst of doing it. I was helpless when I was blaming. I don’t believe that many people like feeling helpless for the most part, myself included. It challenged me to no end.

I think of this phrase when I’m tempted to blame others again, and it usually has the same effect. It puts the stop-sign up and gets me back to taking responsibility for myself. Because who wants to remain helpless? Not me.

~ Quote by Dr. Murray Bowen